Intro: A lotta people ask me... Stupid fucking questions. A lotta people think that... What I say on record, or what I talk about on a record... That I actually... Do in real life, or that I believe in it... Or if I say that... I wanna kill somebody that... I'm actually gonna do it, or that I believe in it... Well, shit... If you believe that... Then, I'll kill you! You know why? 'Cause I'm a CRIMINAL!! CRIMINAL!! You're god damn right! I'm a CRIMINAL!! Yeah, I'm a CRIMINAL!! Ha Ha! Verse 1: My words are like a dagger wit' a jagged edge that'll stab you in the head, whether you're a fag or lez. Whether homosex, hermaph, or a trans-a-vest. Pants or dress, hate fags? The answer's yes! Homophobic? Nah, you're just heterophobic! Starin' at my jeans,watchin' my genitals buldgin'! (Ooh) That's my mothafuckin' balls, you better let go of 'em. They belong in my scrotum, you'll never get hold of 'em! (Ha ha) "Hey, it's me Versace! Whoops, somebody shot me! And I was just checkin' the mail. Get it, 'checkin' the male'?" (Chick chick) How many records you expectin' to sell after your 2nd LP sends you directly to jail!? "C'mon! Relax guy, I like gay men, right Ken? Gimmie an Amen:" "A-a-a-men-n-n-n!" "Please, Lord this boy needs Jesus! Heal this child, help us destroy these demons! Oh, and please send me a brand new car and a prostitute while my wife's sick in the hospital!" Preacher, preacher, 5th grade teacher you can't reach me and my mom can't neither! (Nope) You can't teach me a god damn thing 'cause I watch TV and Comcast cable. And you ain't able to stop these thoughts! You can't stop me from toppin' these charts! And you can't stop me from droppin' each March wit' a brand new CD for these fuckin' retards! (Duh) And to think... It's just lil' ol' me! Mr. Don't Give a Fuck still won't leave! Chorus: I'm a CRIMINAL! 'Cause every time I write a rhyme these people think it's a crime to tell 'em what's on my mind, I guess I'm a... CRIMINAL! I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin', I don't take shit from no one [2x] Verse 2: My mother did drugs, hard liquor, cigarettes, and speed. The baby came out, disfigured ligaments indeed. It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she. Don't dare make fun of that baby, 'cause that baby was me! I'm a... CRIMINAL! An animal caged who turned crazed. But, how the fuck you 'spose to grow up when you weren't raised? So, as I got older and I got a lot taller, my dick shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger. I drank more liquor to fuck you up quicker than you'd wanna fuck me up for sayin' the word "N*gga"! My morals went... *Farting* When the president got oral sex in his oval office on top of his desk off of his own employee.Now, don't ignore me, you won't avoid me.You can't miss me I'm white, blonde hair, and my nose is pointy. I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die in plane crashes and laughs, as long as it ain't happenin' to him! Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Eminem and Kim combined! *Chkk* "The maniac's in!" In place of the Doctor, 'cause Dre couldn't make it today. He's a little under the weather, so I'm takin' his place. (Mmm, mm) Oh, that's Dre wit' an AK to his face, don't make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place! I told you Dre, "You shoulda kept that thing put away!"I guess, that'll teach you not to let me play wit' it, ay? (Ha ha) Interlude Skit: {Dre, Eminem} A'ight look. Uh-huh. Just go up in that mothafucka, get the mothafuckin' money and get the fuck up outta there! A'ight. I'll be right here waitin' on you. A'ight. Yo, em? WHAT!? Don't kill nobody this time! A'ight! God damn, why does that mothafucka get so mothafuckin' nervous? *Whistling* Hi! How you doin'? How can I help you? Yeah, I need to make a withdrawl.Okay. Put the fuckin' money in the bag, bitch and I won't kill you! What? Oh my God, don't kill me! I'm not gonna kill you, bitch just quit fuckin' around! Don't kill me, I've got two kids at home, don't kill me! I said I'm not gonna fuckin' kill you! Don't kill me! Hurry the fuck up! (Gunshot) Thank you! Verse 3: Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it. (Go, go, go) So, when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it, so I'll be disguised in it! And if anybody identifies the guy in it, I'll hide for 5 minutes. Come back, shoot the eye witness. Fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business! Die bitches, bastards, brats, pets! This puppy's lucky I didn't blast his ass yet! If I ever gave a fuck I'd shave my nuts, tuck my dick in between my legs and cluck! You mothafuckin' chickens ain't brave enough to say the stuff I say, so just tape it shut! Shit, half the shit I say, I just make it up to make you mad, so kiss my white naked ass! *Kissing* And if it's not a rapper that I make it as, I'ma be a fuckin' rapist in a Jason mask! Chorus 4x LEAVE SUGGESTIONS IN THE COMMENTS! ALL CONTENT OWNED BY INTERSCOPE RECORDS!
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